The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
