im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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