i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
