Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We're too hungover to prance.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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