I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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