The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
