i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
