I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
