She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Rumble strips road head = magical
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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