im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize