This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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