actually, I'm a sock model
Can Purell be used as lube?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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