yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
