dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
