Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
