Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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