he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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