look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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