if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
