well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
