I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
