the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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