I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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