and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
