Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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