I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
