am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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