Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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