Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
