no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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