had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can I color on your dick again?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
