his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just gargled with NyQuil
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
