hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
