I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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