My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
