I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
