Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
