Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
