I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
