I'm going to jail i love you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
