Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
