So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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