Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
