He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
