I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
