I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
