I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Your dad touched me again.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
