I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize