that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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