Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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