he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
