Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
