The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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