im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
