She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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