Is it because I queefed?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
