You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
