Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
