awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize