Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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