You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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