Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
