How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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