Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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