If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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