I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
