Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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