So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
