from now on my penis is your penis
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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