My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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