Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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