Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize