I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
