so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
