Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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