Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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