One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
