if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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