Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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