He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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