and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
