The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize